Monday, October 27, 2008

To Keep Or To Tell?

I don't understand why I would end up feeling upset everytime I told someone my honest suggestions/opinions/feeling and etc. Am I being too honest? Or, is there something wrong with me?

Few previous experiences were:
  1. My uncle was telling me that one shouldn't study so much (back when I was in third year). In fact, one could earn more through direct sale. Since he was one of them who told me to study as much as I could when I was in my primary school, I told him back directly, "Why did you tell me to study when I was younger and now, when I was almost finish with my uni, you tell me that I don't need to study." Straight away, an arguement began. After that, I was being told that I was being rude. End up, I was upset...

  2. I was discussing with my baba about his business one day (couldn't remember when) when a debate started. I actually asked him to get another clerk to help with the office works and also to handle some other stuff. He gave all sort of reasons and of course, I, too gave backup to my idea. After few days, my mama told me that my baba was not very pleased with me. End up, I was upset...

  3. When I told one close friend about how I felt towards our friendship, our friendship, as a result, turned sour. This is not what I'm looking forward but, sigh... Anyway, again end up, I was upset...

  4. Just today, my business mind worked again. I asked my baba whether it is possible to do public transport business in Miri. His answer is no. When I asked him again for his reasons, he didn't give but after the second time I asked, this is his answer; "give free lah". Meaning, unless you give people free ride. I hope for a better reason of course. End up, I was upset...

Maybe my mama was right. "It's because they're closed to you that made you tell them everything honestly. I don't think you'll tell a stranger like this because you won't care about a stranger."

Pah! I couldn't care more. Perhaps, it's still the best to keep everything to myself...

33 comments:

ychu said...

According to choice theory, all human behaviors are the results of their own choices.

You chose to tell others about your thoughts (this one I would consider good) and you also chose to be sad over what others said (eh, I tot ytd 2 days ago you jz told me not to be influenced by others easily?)

Remember, while you can CHOOSE to be upset about what others said, you can also CHOOSE to be happy or open to what others said.

ychu said...

*grinning

make use of what you read from my blog.

HAHAHAHA... =P

Dav DiDi said...

Hhhmmm .. well, sometimes what we say may not be wat others wants to hear ...

For example .. you ask your dad about the public transport thingy.. as elder, they would certainly brush off the idea.. coz they think we the young generation is hangat hangat tahi ayam ... if you really into it, come out with detailed proposal including analysis and research ...

ellen said...

hello, have a good day!

Chen said...

It's good to tell, cos that's your honest opinion. But we need to prepare and accept the outcome too cos not everyone loves honest opinion. Some people prefered to listen to lies, as long as the answers or opinions made them happy.

Well, u can choose to accept it or ignore it. Don't be bothered or worried too much. Tried to take it easy. Well, life is short, Kok.

Sue said...

Or maybe it is how you tell them...hehe

miche said...

this is what i felt when i read this post. they still think that you are a kid dat dunno much bout the working adult world. u hv not eaten as much as salt as them yet. i faced this too in which i kept quiet and i slowly prove to them that i hv "grown up" after working a few years and succeed in what i do.

mott said...

Well, it's only through your family, that you show your real emotions. It's good that you can share these things with your father. There will come a time when he'll be more willing to listen.

Fathers are like that...they think they are the providers and know everything. Be patient with him ok?

Big hugs..

BTW..I did think of you when I was doing the pre-mix. I remembered all your old posts..hahahahah cracked me up!

Kok said...

ychu: Hah! Now you know how to be my therapist eh? haha!

Ermmm... ok. What I can tell you is no matter how good we are, we're bound to some problems. Yes, I told you not to be incluenced by others easily. In fact, actually I'm still learning. Hopefully I'll be able to master it. kakaka!

I agree with you. I'm trying to choose to be happy or open to what others said actually. I blog it out to just "bla" everything out from my heart. It'll feel better I guess.

DD: I'll be more than happy to come out with a detailed proposal if my baba is willing to hear my initial idea. See? If he straight away brushed off my idea, it sort of asking me to just forget about it. No point to get a detailed proposal anywhere cause I don't think he'll even look at it... That's what I think.

ellen: Wish you a nice day too. :)

chen: Exactly! That's what I thought; people just love to listen to lies. When I tell them about my honest/true feelings/opinions, they get offended...

I can't just totally ignore it leh, chen. It concerns my family and friends. How leh? Sigh...

sue: I told them nicely but of course, it'll turn out into a HOT debate if you know what I mean...

miche: You got the point there. I just need time to prove myself. Hopefully I'll be "old" enough to convince them about my idea...

mott: I show my real emotions to people close to me. My family, my friends (only few). But too bad, it always ends up in a negative way...

I'm not sure when my father would listen. Maybe like I told Miche, have to wait till I prove I'm capable, then he'll believe me. *Sigh*

Thanks Mott for your encouragement! *Big hugs hugs*

Wah! So sweet of you to think of me when you did your pre-mix cake! :) You should do the pre-mix cake with your no.1 (I guess he's old enough to play around with) and take lots of photos! It'll become a great memory too. hehehe.

gina said...

I have exactly the SAME problem as you. I will only talk now when I think it is not "too harsh". Coz I know a lot of people cannot take directness. Or sometimes, I just don't care anymore.

But try not to talk back to parents.. no matter how annoying they are at times (lol!!), they are still our parents.

wmw said...

I believe if it's constructive "criticism" or telling as you put it, it should be accepted. I guess it really comes down to the "way" you tell them.

TINTIN said...

Don't feel upset as long as you have do your part ok .. cheers !

Firehorse said...

It is not whether to tell or not to tell them about your honest opinion/feeling/suggestions, it is the way you tell them, flinging things back into people's face, hurts them e.g., just like with your uncle.
There is also a lot of "I" in your sentence, try put yourself in the other person's shoes...

heartbeats said...

hello, wish you have a nice day!!

Hazel said...

i hate direct selling u better don't be the saleperson

Kok said...

gina: Maybe like everyone said, it's the way we talk? Hmm... yea, I think sometimes, it's better to keep quiet...

Ahh...that's definitely. Unless I really have my point there loh. We have to respect out parents of course. :)

wmw: Hmm... I don't know whether I'm wrong in how I tell them. But when I talked to my baba, my mama was there too. And my mama doesn't think it's wrong. In fact, she did support of what I said...

tintin: Thanks a lot! :)

firehorse: Yea, I think I'm wrong since all the previous cases ends up with something negative.

I have to put a lot of "I" because that's how I feel at that time actually.

My uncle case... I'm pretty sure he's at wrong when he asked us not to study and engage in direct sales straight away. Even my cousin of 12 years old that time know that he's wrong in asking us not to study. So, I was just telling him that he shouldn't ask us not to study.

Like I said, perhaps, I should just keep quiet next time. I think that way, nobody would be hurt. :)

heartbeats: Hello there and welcome!:)

hazel: I'm not, don't worry. :)

Tummythoz said...

I learn to smile and walk away when discussions turn ugly esp when elders are involved. Sometimes elders realise we are right but need to 'save face' so they will not give way. Yes we are honest because we care. Unfortunately we lack politeness when we are with close family/friends.

LadyJava said...

I think people are generally sensitive.. I always tend to remember the wise words that say.. don't do unto others what you don't want to be done to you..and vice versa... though sometimes pple including me tend to forget in times of anger..

and it's not what you say but how you say it..

Have a great day or night ya :)

Kok said...

tummythoz: Ha! You're right there. Sometimes, the elders are just trying to save face. If not, how to face the others right?

Yea, maybe it's "easier to talk" to close friends/family that make us lack of politeness.

LadyJave: Hmm... Yes. Perhaps I really need to be careful of how I say it...

You too have a nice day!:)

The Human Being said...

*hugs..

Truth hurts. Sometimes ppl only want someone to listen, not to say anything. I learnt to keep my mouth shut over the years..

Kok said...

THB,
*Hugs* Thanks!

I've now learnt to also keep everything to myself. I think that's the best way to avoid upsetting yourself and also upsetting other people. One stone hits two birds. :)

EastCoastLife said...

You give up so easily!? Persevere.

They say cannot don't mean Never. If you have a good business idea, put in down on paper and discuss with your Dad again. You can do presentation, right? You probably don't treat your Dad like the CEO lah.

Chinese elders expect respect from the youngsters, not suppose to question them or talk back. Chill lah.

Try again. Don't give up.

LadyJava said...

That's the spirit Kok!

Happy Wednesday!!

Jade said...

I know what you feel. I also try to keep my opinions to myself when it comes to older people like my grandma or aunties...coz if they here what I think - I would be probably called "brutal and rude".

Or sometimes I try to give it to them in a gentle way like a joke or something.

off topic - by the way the ask2link . i didn't see the refferal yet but thank you for signing up with me ;)

Kok said...

ECL: Not really to give up or what leh. I mean, just asked a question and it's brushed off like that... hmmm...

Actually I also don't know if it works or not. If really wanna put down in paper, I think I have to research it for quite some time. Need to get more data from here and there.

Er, I actually just ask a very simple question leh. No need to be like, "Good morning Sir. Today I would like to ...." Like that meh?

Anyway, it's not only about my dad I'm upset... Sigh...

LadyJava: Thank you! Happy Thursday to you now!:)

Jade: Heh, you also kept your opinions eh? How to joke when I was trying to ask for a feedback? Hmm...

Aiks? Not yet? Probably they're slow or I did something wrong? Hope not...

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

hmmm i think theres no point in being upset over wat happened la..

and in any case, unless ur intonation of ur comments was very sarcastice n rude..i dun think those comments were enough to put ppl off..

EastCoastLife said...

You know the elders lah, how can let you younger people talk back? Must show respect. No big no small. :P

EastCoastLife said...

Just because of a little set back, you dun want to tell or be truthful? Come on.

Chrissy Chris said...

Well, if you encounter this enough, you will realise that people hates it when they are proven wrong.

Your uncle did say something stupid however for you to confront him, it wasn't wise. The best thing to do is just to ignore but not go down to his level to battle his words.

Who is disrespectful here....unfortunately even though you are fight for your right (to parrrrrrrrTEY), the perception is you are disrespectful....


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wise old man speaks

Kok said...

joe: How sarcastic and rude can I be? I'm just telling how I feel leh. Aiyo, next time, I just have to keep quiet loh.

ECL: Aih, I guess that's the Chinese mentality - elders always right!

I don't know leh, feel like not to tell. Why bother to tell when you know you'll get shoot back? Hmm...

Uncle Chris: I guess you're quite right there. Remember what we've encountered in Perth?;)

Haih! I don't know what to say. Sometimes, it's better to keep quiet, no?

Dalicia said...

now u get to decide what is best for you. u r an adult now

Kok said...

dalicia,
I know liao. ;)

suesue said...

Hey cool down young boy. Could it be sometimes the way you talk to them. As you know older people want people to show them respect and they dislike arguments.As for your papa hor, I think you talk to him nicely again and what is your rational behind your idea and I believe he will listen to you one day. Cool down ya.

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